Hmmm...PMS, the Pre Menstrual Stress that creeps up everytime, right before the time of the month right...so what do you call it when ur hormones are still raging when its not during the pre-stage but rather while its going on? Its not 'Post' either...so what is it? That's what im feeling right now...im still so edgy and i can feel my heartbeat...beating faster.... I try not to show it out...so no one really knows...whenever i feel like wanting to scream...i quickly take my mind off to something else...so i dont burst....
But...i just had to let it out today...on Joe...yeah Joe, my punching bag. The one to whom i cant really hide anything from. Yeah, he's seen it all...the smiley me...and the sulky me...I know, thats not fair to him...cos i dont let my frustrations out to others but its always an exception when it comes to him. But then, i guess its only right for him to know the 'real' me cos its him who's going to say Yes to me...for 'better or worse'...so im giving him a hint to how the 'worse' can be! Im sure its in his mind that i have such a good excuse for whenever im cranky and grumpy...ive got the PMS to blame it on! But i guess...only girls would probably understand this feeling...that overcome us...which kinda like catches us unaware and all of sudden...its there...waiting to jump and bite! Why do we have to go through this? Its bad enough with the physical uneasiness that we go through every single month...the cramps, the pimples, the back aches and whatever else other horrible things we have to feel during this time...our hormones have to give us a hard time too! And all this makes us react in ways that make men think we choose to be such cranky monkeys (as what joe calls me!)! Sighhhhhh...
And this takes me back to something my grandmother used to say before...as girls...we have to face all this...i remember when i was 14 and i was having one of those really bad cramps (that made my lips turn blue!)... i was resting my head on her lap...and as she carressed my face...she said "We girls have to go through this, Molu"...and i was like..."What, this kinda pain, every month?"....and she said...."Not just this pain, molu...there's a lot more that we will face and feel"...and now years later...i totally get u, Amumma..totally! Hmm...and just as you hope it'll all end when the mestrual cycle stops...there will be the menapause that's going to be there, waiting to knock at ur door! Oh god...and lets not even go there!!!
Im sorry Joe...if ur reading this...that i let it out on you earlier this morning...its just that with you, im totally myself...and i cant hide anything...what u see now Joe...is ME...the beautiful and the ugly...hmmm...If only Amumma was here...I could just rest my head on her lap, like before...and her soothing fingers would tell me...that this is what she meant...and that somehow I'll go through it...
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